Welcome to a ripoff TheEmmaShow-inspired storytime. Today we talk about my crappy excuse for a friend.

Okay, so here's the thing: my friend and I have been friends for sometime now. In third grade, two girls bribed me to defriend her for a lollipop, but I befriended her again. IT WAS FOR A LOLLIPOP WHAT THE hell IS WRONG WITH THAT?!

In fourth grade, I noticed that our friendship was kind of drifting apart. How? Because she showed a video of me dancing and called me an "uncoordinated chimpanzee". (She also said my Senpai and his then-best-friend were talking about her shitty excuse for a premature bra bikini top. It was her fault, because she didn't give a damn)

In fifth grade, this girl named she-whose-name-shall-not-be-revealed and my friend became best friends, and I was like, "what the..." because my friend was being a big meanie. Joke's on her because her middle name was revealed by my grandma. Gotta love her.

In sixth grade, my friend's best friend was back, so for a while, I didn't sit with them. I had a good cry.

So know I don't like her, and I'm just sittin' here typing this story so you know My Friend, The Attention-Seeking Bench

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